Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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