I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
