apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
