dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
