im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
