Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
