So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
