Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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