Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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