one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
