this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
