I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
