You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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