So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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