ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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