Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
