It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
