she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
