if i can run in heels then i can drive
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
