well you can't waste a boner
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
