Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
