we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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