just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
