He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
