oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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