All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
