she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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