This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
