I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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