I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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