This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
