does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
