At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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