I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
