glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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