This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
