Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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