I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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