Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
