um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
