i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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