Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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