We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Drunk is a universal language darling
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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