Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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