So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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