from now on my penis is your penis
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
