when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
