It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
