Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I think my fart just growled at me.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
