he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
ugly people sure do ruin things
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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