yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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