Don't you send me to vm
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
